Mr. Independent (Loved but not Needed ii)

Yes, the title is inspired by Ne-Yo's Miss Independent. I can't get enough of it..haha.. So let me say that this is my reflection on the song as well as the sequel to the earlier post (Loved but not Needed).
I think, it is more than just the beat and the groove but more of the message. Was I hooked!
Anyway, the song is about a girl who can manage, a girl who sweeps men off of their feet, a girl who knows what she wants, a driven girl, a girl who can and will make a way to get what she wants, a girl who is not so attached, a girl who wants but doesn't need a man---an independent girl..And in the song, the man likes her all the more because of her strong character.

Then, it struck me. Contrary to the song, I was wanting to be needed; I wanted to feel that I am needed. It is funny because life has its way of making a point. Before, I also don't want someone who is very dependent. I don't want someone who is very attached (emotionally, physically, psychologically,etc.). For me, this kind of people loses themselves; they lose their sense of "self" as well as self sufficiency. Being attached and yielding some dependence and control to things outside yourself is a weakness and a mortal sin (in my opinion). But then, life has balanced this extreme notion of mine. And man, I was humbled!

The correction came with Mr. Independent (or so I thought and feel he is). He came to my life uninvited but he was graciously welcomed. Then the emotions rushed, feelings evolved---and the rest is history (you all know what I mean). The relationship was perfect almost too good to be true. And amidst the happiness and perfectness; suddenly, the urge to be needed came rushing in. I realized I never felt that I was needed by him emotionally. I felt that he was detached; that at anytime we can part ways and he would not even care about it. There is no doubt about his love; yes, I am dearly loved but not needed. I know he loves me but he does not need me enough to make me feel it and I needed him to need me. Funny, it was me who asked for someone like him but now that he's here, I wanted otherwise.

It is really funny for I know when he has needed me too much to the extent that I am his life and I am his world, I love him no more for he then will not be his own self. He will lose himself in the process and the person I loved is not the same "him" anymore. The love will die if this happens, that's for sure. But now, look at me wanting the very same thing I despise. I know one of the reasons I love him because he does not need me; yet, I want him to need me somehow. So I am afraid because if he yields to my desire to be needed and gone way further I will not love him anymore. So I hope, he will not need me to that extent.

A lesson learned well, be careful of what you wish for! joke!hehe...
Kidding and pride aside, I learned that in a relationship an element of need and attachment is necessary. It's not detrimental to have these but too much of everything is also not good. The thing is, what is the point of loving if somehow you will not be attached in any way. What is the point of always keeping your guards up?loving is a risk...a risk that you can choose to take or not.A risk that both of the people involved cannot escape.This relationship has been a tug of war, a silent battle that we both engage. A battle of yielding and depending, wants and needs that neither of us want to acknowledge. We both enjoy the emotions all the other things that come with the relationship but we do not admit the "need" for each other or may be our persona would not allow us to be vocal about it. So maybe, I should just enjoy this revulsion that comes along.

Flight

After the candies, the freebies and comforts of childhood, you go about taking charge. Yes, now you have taken an active role in directing your life. Now, you have accepted the challenge and the fact that there's no one else to direct your life; you have bloomed and you have flown above the rest.

But in taking flight, it is not enough that you have lifted. I know, thrusting forward is already hard and flying is already an achievement but flying in itself is another challenge. You cannot just fly without direction. Aimless and helpless up above the air renders great danger plummeting down.

You have to maintain your speed while keeping in mind your destination. To keep you in flight, you must overcome the force of gravity; you must fly at a certain speed range. You cannot go too slow for you will fall neither can you go too fast for you might get out of control. At this regulated rate you aim for your destination. What is the point of the journey if there is no destination?no end point? no aim?

You have to pace yourself to avoid burn outs. At some point, you will be tired. At some point, you will feel the need to stop and take some rest. At some point, you will find yourself asking why you are flying in the first place. Rest if you must but never stop. Never let the Law of Least Effort take effect for in this, you settle for something comfortable and you settle for something less than what you're worth. Your momentum and inertia can always be at your side but your will will decide. Don't rush...don't procrastinate...just the right pace but not too comfortable. Sometimes, you have to slow down; you have to speed up; you have to fall; but just continue on. If you don't, how will you get there?

You have to know or at least discover the path towards your destination. Knowing your destination and knowing how to get there are two different things. You may know for certain where you want to be and what you want to become but you don't know how. It is normal. We can discover it along the way, what's important is that you're already set forth towards that definite goal. Sometimes, the journey is more fulfilling, enjoyable and exciting when you have discovered the way than have someone laid it out for you. But sometimes, you also need people; people who will help you in the journey; these people are usually with the same goal and the same values as yours. And also sometimes, you have to change route; you have to make a turn but it doesn't mean it's wrong. There is no one correct path in going to your destination. There are several paths and you can also create your own.

You have to look for others who can be your companions in the flight. It is already hard to leave the ones you left on the ground so don't make it harder for yourself to fly alone. Who knows, you will soar high with those other people? Along the way, you will need help; you will need encouragement; you will need enlightenment; you will need people. Don't worry much for they will come to you without you looking for them. You will find them along the way, probably on the same side of the sky with more or less same destination. You will find comfort in these people but not too comfortable. They will be the ones who will challenge you to fly faster, to soar higher, and to spread you wings more. They may also be the ones who will teach you how to do so and how to get there. And of course, in return, you can do the same to them and others. As the saying goes, 'Birds of the same feather flock together'. So choose what kind of bird you want to become. It is not enough that you can fly; you should have your own identity in your flight.

I, myself, am not assured to arrive at my destination. I am also at the beginning of my journey and I think, every time I would arrive at my destination, I will always find other places to go, to discover and to explore at the same time making me more experienced in flight. They say the first goal is the most difficult to attain but I am yet to know. Hope to see you along the way or at least at the same sky.

Grace

She was in the verge of crying with tears welling up her eyes. She cannot control her ever tormenting thoughts. It wasn't her emotions that causes her the turmoil--it was, is and always have been her own thoughts. She has always considered herself a sadist. Self inflicted pain was her defense mechanism. It was her protection from the sinister world. She can never allow anyone or anything to hurt her without her permission so the pain she feels is the pain that she allows--self-inflicted---self-fabricated.

But tonight, it is different. This is something she didn't consciously want. This time, she doesn't know what's causing her the turmoil which brings her the panic. She was devastated, frustrated and defeated. This is her weakness and she knows it. This is her greatest fear and she is yet to know.

She thought there was nothing more she could do. At this point, she knows it is not in her hands anymore; she is not the one to determine--and this is all foreign to her. So she decided to submit everything to Him. For she can do nothing without Him; she is nothing without Him. This is when she let go of the rope. Her efforts in this tug-of-war are futile because it is not her who dictates. This is not her battle anymore; it is His.

But just as she succumbed, she found herself free; she was redeemed and liberated from all her cares. She realized that she was never alone. She found Him, a great companion, an unconditional lover, a savior and redeemer. He had given her grace to accept the things she cannot change, to accept the things that she has no power over, to accept her limitations, to accept her weaknesses, to accept that she is not perfect---she is mortal and flawed.

But then, she was thankful. She was grateful for another chance; for the redemption; for the hope; for the correction; for the grace that sustains her.

Take Charge

Every human being has to pass childhood at least once. At one point in our life, we need to go through the process of growing physically starting from a helpless day-old infant into a full grown man. It is said that our childhood is our most dependent years. This is the time when we are still learning about the Earth as well as life. With our fragile and small physique, we needed our parents to feed us, to bathe us, to tie our shoe lace, to pick us up when we stumble, to console us when we cry and bribe us with candies and toys. This is the time when they provide all of what we need; milk, food, clothes, toys, etc. This is the time that we are; more or less, well provided for. The giving and the receiving roles of the parents and children respectively are in perfect harmony. So in short, as children with things yet to know and with bones yet to grow, we are programmed to be dependent to other people. We just take things without much thought and consideration. We just let things to go and pass; no sense of urgency, no path to follow, no purpose to find and fulfill. I realized, it actually is blissful, right?very euphoric... I hope we could just stay children forever or at least twice (..hehe).

But then there will come a point in our lives that we need to grow up, we are forced into reality. There comes the time when we realize that there are no more free toys, no more free candies. We realize that things will be provided for us forever. We realize that we cannot any more have or even just ask for the things we want or sometimes need. Here, we realize that life will not spoon-feed us; that we cannot just let things pass by and not think of our tomorrow; that we need to stand up, walk and take charge of our lives. Gradually, we detach from dependency, we are slowly entering independence. For some this comes early in life, for some it blooms late but for some, it just never comes.

So what do we, children, do when we face this transition?

Well, some have tantrums, some cry, some just won't let go of their dependency, some find another dependency to replace the former, some are in denial, some would and could not accept, some are left behind by life but a few takes control and embraces freedom. A few emerges successfully out of their cocoons of dependency into becoming flying butterflies---independent and free.

Yes, that is life. It will never allow us to be passive drivers of our lives; it will at some point require you to stand your ground, to be responsible and in control. Fortunate are those who doesn't need to realize these things for they can afford to be comfortable in dependency. Pitiful are those who deny and wait for someone to provide and make things happen for them. Courageous are those who accept and take charge.