Yes, the title is inspired by Ne-Yo's Miss Independent. I can't get enough of it..haha.. So let me say that this is my reflection on the song as well as the sequel to the earlier post (Loved but not Needed).
I think, it is more than just the beat and the groove but more of the message. Was I hooked!
Anyway, the song is about a girl who can manage, a girl who sweeps men off of their feet, a girl who knows what she wants, a driven girl, a girl who can and will make a way to get what she wants, a girl who is not so attached, a girl who wants but doesn't need a man---an independent girl..And in the song, the man likes her all the more because of her strong character.
Then, it struck me. Contrary to the song, I was wanting to be needed; I wanted to feel that I am needed. It is funny because life has its way of making a point. Before, I also don't want someone who is very dependent. I don't want someone who is very attached (emotionally, physically, psychologically,etc.). For me, this kind of people loses themselves; they lose their sense of "self" as well as self sufficiency. Being attached and yielding some dependence and control to things outside yourself is a weakness and a mortal sin (in my opinion). But then, life has balanced this extreme notion of mine. And man, I was humbled!
The correction came with Mr. Independent (or so I thought and feel he is). He came to my life uninvited but he was graciously welcomed. Then the emotions rushed, feelings evolved---and the rest is history (you all know what I mean). The relationship was perfect almost too good to be true. And amidst the happiness and perfectness; suddenly, the urge to be needed came rushing in. I realized I never felt that I was needed by him emotionally. I felt that he was detached; that at anytime we can part ways and he would not even care about it. There is no doubt about his love; yes, I am dearly loved but not needed. I know he loves me but he does not need me enough to make me feel it and I needed him to need me. Funny, it was me who asked for someone like him but now that he's here, I wanted otherwise.
It is really funny for I know when he has needed me too much to the extent that I am his life and I am his world, I love him no more for he then will not be his own self. He will lose himself in the process and the person I loved is not the same "him" anymore. The love will die if this happens, that's for sure. But now, look at me wanting the very same thing I despise. I know one of the reasons I love him because he does not need me; yet, I want him to need me somehow. So I am afraid because if he yields to my desire to be needed and gone way further I will not love him anymore. So I hope, he will not need me to that extent.
A lesson learned well, be careful of what you wish for! joke!hehe...
Kidding and pride aside, I learned that in a relationship an element of need and attachment is necessary. It's not detrimental to have these but too much of everything is also not good. The thing is, what is the point of loving if somehow you will not be attached in any way. What is the point of always keeping your guards up?loving is a risk...a risk that you can choose to take or not.A risk that both of the people involved cannot escape.This relationship has been a tug of war, a silent battle that we both engage. A battle of yielding and depending, wants and needs that neither of us want to acknowledge. We both enjoy the emotions all the other things that come with the relationship but we do not admit the "need" for each other or may be our persona would not allow us to be vocal about it. So maybe, I should just enjoy this revulsion that comes along.
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