Loved but not Needed

I cannot believe myself..It is amusing how everyday I discover something new about me...I think everyday people are changing; it does not require drastic changes--- just subtle changes that reveal themselves at the back door; when you are most unprepared and caught off guard.

Lately, I have been in an internal turmoil...an inner struggle I fight every now and then. But so far, this one has made a mark. I am a sadomasochist. I cannot allow myself to experience much joy and pleasure neither allow myself to be emotionally, physically, psychologically attached to the object of my desire. So naturally, I would torture myself by walking away from my desire in the fear that I might get attached and I might get hurt by 'it' later on. It pains me, of course but this one is different; 'it' crushed me...
Then I tried to find the causes and reasons for my revulsion and I was more amazed by what I found out..I was not aware that I was capable of such pathetic things, pathetic logic and reasoning, petty wants and demands. So now I know I am not as mature as I thought I was.

Then, I will not pain you &myself of all the story but this is what I found out--- that for me, I am loved but not needed.
Peculiar, how I demand this two to co-exist. Are they co-existent? or they do not necessarily assure the presence of the other?