Saturday, September 27, 2008
0313 in the morning...
Have you ever been to the point where you don't know where you are?...
You suddenly realize amidst your life circle that somehow you don't belong---like an alien in your own world.
Have you ever been to the point when you suddenly asked yourself why you are doing the things you do and why you continue to do so?
It feels like you have lost the purpose for the things that you do. Like there is no aim, no goal, no end---or let's say,you have lost them somewhere along the road. Now, you are looking for it but you don't know if it fell a long way back or just a step behind. And you wonder how you went this far with a missing purpose--- a missing reason. So you stand amazed with your strength and endurance to run the race this far but stunned by your own ignorance and stupefied by your own emptiness.
Right know, you need a boost. You are looking for reasons to continue the fight. You look at the finish line for motivation but the end was blur---it was not the end point that you want. Then you start to doubt the path you're taking. It may lead to a wonderful ending or a greater trap. So you stop for a moment and evaluate things. You try to reflect on your reasons at the beginning, you try to trace back how you got here and what propelled you forward. Hoping that somehow you'll find the same reasons now; so you can finish what you started, so you can give meaning to your journey, you can fulfill your purpose and redeem yourself. But unfortunately, you're lost in the vast emptiness within....
You really don't know where you messed up along the process. You cannot pin point your short comings. You cannot account for the sudden wilderness...
Welcome to the gray area...the darker area...the confused zone...the lost zone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but most of us go through this struggle. To some it sets in early, some too late; to some it is longer than they would like it be, for some it is never-ending; some are eaten up alive but there are also some who overcomes and triumph.
What I would like to know is what made the difference for those who surpassed?
How did they claim their rightful purpose?
How, amidst all these atrocities, did they prevail?
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